A collection of paper scraps

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

FIRST WEEK

my first week has been ~~depressing~~ and fun
i got upset over talking about my cousins dying

i was talking to ross and i got upset over stuff

talking about family and before the war

ended up talking about my uncle and my cousins

and got really like depressed over it

i wanted to cry and then a person talked to me

i want to work at that cafe but the ~~fucking~~ place is closed

~~i mean how hard is it to open a door and serve people~~

~~why wont you just employ people to work there~~

besides people think im a girl and im used to that

or i thought i would be because of school

but people keep thinking im a girl

it took a person really long to figure it out that im not

~~i don't know why people think why do i look so girly~~

i think it has something to do with genetics

what am i supposed to do ~~like i dont have girl parts~~

its annoying but theres nothing i can do about it

im going to m~~aybe~~ talk to ross when he wakes up

or i could wake him up now and talk to him i dont know

maybe if i join the mpf i can not be bothered by it

since im sure they dont know whos male

i dont think ross likes them at least thats what i feel

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

i talked to ross about wanting to join the mpf
and he said he wouldnt want me to
i figured he would but it was worth a try
i wonder when he might change his mind

so i got into a fight with a german guy
he blocked us in the room that me and ross were in
so i beat him up pretty well
but he tried to make me feel bad
like i know he was in the wrong
i would have stabbed him with my pen
he swore at me like 5 times before the fight

ross spent like 20 minutes telling me we are friends
like best friends i dont know why he was nervous
it was nice to hear him say it though
just good to hear a friend valuing a friendship
everyone is friends with me except that german
the people i dont know but i cant help that

i only get talked to by guys and not girls
ross thinks its because i look girly
ross said that maybe manly girls are talking to me
but i dont think that is right
because i havent seen any of them with bits
~~except the one that i drew with ross~~
~~unless theres bearded women i dont know about~~
~~beards are gross why do people even grow them~~
but im thinking that i could be a manly girl
but then i dont have the girly bits
maybe they dont have girly bits either
but that means that theres manly girls
which have the bits that girls dont
ill think about it later maybe or talk to ross

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

d~~ear, ross~~
~~to, ross~~
ross

sorry im just really not sure how to ~~deal~~ ~~cope~~ deal with this
so uh im sorry for being an asshole
give me time i will think about it sorry

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

today has been pretty crap
ross told me that he likes boys like girls
and i dont know what to think about it
but i think i might be a girl
i look like a guy and grow gross facial hair
maybe i am a manly girl after all
i feel like one on the inside i think
maybe thats why people think i am

before that i had a problem at rations
the officer or whatever thought i had a fake id
i wanted to punch him in the face
stupid son of a bitch calling me a girl
but it even says im a guy on my cid card
i ended up yelling at somebody there
but i wasnt told off as badly as i thought

i dont know what to do with this stuff
ross i think likes me like a girl
and i dont know what to say about it
hes a good friend so i might say no
he said it will make things weird
so ill tell him when i finish writing this

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

so its been interesting today
i got into a fight with someone
they kept harassing me
calling me a lass and a girl
~~and being an asshole~~
~~so i punched him in the face~~
he really ~~pissed me off~~ frustrated me
but i think it is fine now
he hasnt annoyed me since

i saw that girl who i showed where ross and i slept
im thinking she might like-like me
because she kept talking to me
unless shes bisexual too and thinks im a girl
i dont think i could take something like that

my ~~disgusting~~ beard has been growing
maybe in like a month it will be good
so people dont think im a girl
its the most annoying thing ever

ive drawn two pictures of the nexus
one of ross when he was thinking
and one of ross and that woman
maybe i should ask for a different coloured pen
or i could join the cwu and get all the pens haha

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

ive thought about what ross said
and i think im not sexual
i dont feel like anyone is special
and i dont like-like anyone
~~i suppose this is what is expected~~
~~i spent my life looking at books~~
~~and nude models so it does nothing~~
i think i shouldnt be bothered by it
if i like-like someone then i do
if i not then i wont worry about it

the day before some guy in a fancy suit
went to talk to me and ross
but the nazi showed up
called him a neon-nazi ~~cunt~~
i dont know why colour is important
~~he could be a polka dotted nazi~~
~~and i would still hate him~~
and he swore at him
seems really odd but i havent seen the nazi since
good riddance if you ask me

the guy next to me is singing
~~he must be a lunatic~~
i should probably move
well before i get associated with him

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

an officer with a damaged mask fell over
and it was the same one from rations
who said i had a fake cid ~~the bastard~~
so i laughed at him being injured
when he swung at me
i ducked and countered
but another unit told me to stop

i decided to do something to kill time
so i asked an officer for work
and cleaned a store which recently opened
i didnt want a reward for doing it
i enjoyed being able to help

that girl was called samantha
she like-likes me because i draw
and some other things which i forgot
she didnt know why i dont like-like her
i tried to explain using colours
but i think it didnt work
~~maybe shes not smart enough~~
~~i know how ross feels now~~
but she went silent for a while
and got upset when i tried drew her
i offered to hold her hand
but she ran off and refused my drawing

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

i ended up fighting wayne
i was doing good until alex came in
~~that dickhead~~ grabbed me and let wayne punch me
it reminded me of losing in boxing
i tried to stab him with my pen
but i was stopped once more by alex
i was struck in the throat by wayne
i lost after that and alex dragged me to his house

when i got out i punched a lot of walls
my knuckles have scabs on them now
~~and bleed when i pick them~~
but before i wrote this
wayne held a knife to my throat
~~and i felt i was going to die~~
i was expecting to die right there
but he left me offering a truce
~~i couldnt respond i was too scared~~
sam and him can like-like eachother forever

i wonder why i dont like-like anyone
i think im looking for somebody
who is the opposite and contrasts to me
if im black they must be white
or the other way around
theres a lot of colours in the world
i dont have a good chance finding mine

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

ross finally met samantha and it was ok
but we were talking about private stuff
so i told her to go away for a bit
i think ill listen to ross and his advise
but i dont know if its supposed to take this long
sam and ross are both romantic people but not me
i dont know why it is maybe its just how it is

i didnt see wayne at all today
im not relieves it makes me uncomfortable
i dont know if hes going to stab me
or try to kill me when i dont expect it
i cant help but feel really scared
and if alex is his friend i doubt i could report him
without being killed immediately afterwards

there was a woman with red hair on the bench
i think she was posing for him because she didnt move
~~and then rations were announced~~
i went to talk to her afterwards and she was rude

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

i need to work on trying to calm my anger
i wont be able to make a life if i lose it
my encounter with wayne taught me that much
i will try and apply for the cwu when i get a chance
but that means trying to get a form
and there no ~~fucking~~ chance of that
its so fucking annoying its a piece of paper
which has words on it i could fucking make one
maybe i will send in a letter of my own
and then hope for the best
im sure i could try and guess what it would look like

if it wasnt for ross i would join the mpf
and so i wouldnt have to worry about romantic stuff
but i think sam needs me to keep her company
i dont know what ross would do without me

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

(OOC: This form is written on a torn scrap of paper and written in pencil)

CWU APPLICATION `.'

NAME: KIM ROSSDALE

CID NUMBER: 18,905

~~i would want to join the cwu bec~~ ~~i have sold food that i cooked~~ ~~my name is kim rossdale and i want to join the cwu~~ my name is kim rossdale and i am a man and i want to join the cwu i like to draw pictures and i like working i enjoy the food from our rations and i think that i would be really good at being a cwu ~~i remember~~ when i was working in city 8 and i sold noodles to japanese people who lived there it was really fun ~~but i didnt know any japanese so my friend koji taught me some common phrases~~ i would really like to be given a chance at working in the cwu i cleaned one of the shops ~~which opened up recently and~~ i did it because i wanted to work so i would like a chance to keep work~~ing~~ again

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

well i havent written anything in a long time
so i think i should write something
i havent had much time to write
i got into the cwu and its been good
and i made a few more friends

ive been drawing a lot more and giving them away
the divisional i spoke to about hormones is nice
they said they have my drawing framed in their office
i felt really good about hearing that

that angry redhaired ~~bitch~~ keeps sitting near the park
and i tried to talk to her a few times
she ends up making me want to punch her ~~fucking~~ face in
i guess some people you just cant talk to
i dont know how somebody can be so rude

i saw a tall person yesterday and i ran from them
i thought they were wayne and so i hid
but it was someone else

i got into a fight with an officer
he said all scots were hot blooded
~~fuck him i should have grabbed his gun~~
but i got spotted by a divisional
i was brought into detainment
and given a pen to better my handwriting
~~i think it was worse than torture~~
i never been interested in cursive writing
its stupid and that pen was stupid as well

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

my new friends are interesting as well
scar can talk to the dead
so i will ask if she can talk to my cousins
because i want to tell them how im going
she was also talking about joining the mpf
maybe ill be able to talk to her when she does
it would be good to see how it is by asking a friend

gwen really likes hugging people and she hugged me
~~i think she doesnt like-like me but she might~~
when i talked to ross about it
he said it was a friend-type of hug
so i thought she was really romantic
this romance thing is really ~~hard~~ complicated

i met somebody called erik whos friends with wayne
but he doesnt know where wayne has gone either
they used to be roommates or something
but wayne changed a lot apparently
maybe they are enemies now
~~i hope thats the case~~
ill talk to them more when i can

im hoping the news of my fight doesnt get told to my boss
i dont want to lose my job at the shope
i really didnt want to mess it up this badly
but that stupid officer insulted my home

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

SECOND WEEK

ive been feeling quite heavy as of late
gwen is able to do what she wants without being told
whenever i hug someone im awkward about it
but she hugs everyone she sees and its amazing
maybe when i get my medication i can be like her

that stupid officer came to me when i was sitting down
he tried to apologise but i got up and left him
then another officer came over and talked to me
so they unlocked the shop and i did some work there
but i cleaned the shop before i started selling stuff
shortly after the officer came back
and he was being ~~a dickhead~~ unreasonable
trying to say i was selling a yellow level contraband
because i sold three beers to two other officers
then he checked the back room taking the beers
~~what an asshole~~ god i hate ~~him and~~ his ~~stupid~~ face

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

ross got into a fight for some stupid reason
i dont know why hed fight someone he seems calm
but then again i laugh and get into a lot of fights
maybe hell tell me who did it
and then i can fight them instead

alex also said that he saved rosses life
if that was true he would have shot that guy
instead of letting them get away
it was probably alex who attacked him
since ross said they came from behind

i also got locked in the slums area
and met a woman who stank ~~of shit~~
and also alex but i didnt want to follow him
hed probably shoot me since hes a friend of waynes
so i followed the st~~inky~~ woman to the city
her name was mercury or something
i wish my parents gave me a cool name
scar and mercury have cool names its unfair

im not sure if i want to still join the mpf
but i think i should ill ask scar about it
because if she thinks its easy then ill join

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

sam said she was nearly raped and shot twice
she wanted to get revenge on the person
but if wayne has a knife and scares ~~the shit out of~~ me
i dont like thinking about iif wayne had a gun
and how he would act if i met him in a dark alley
i told her life was precious and she shouldnt waste hers
or the people who died trying to save her
but she didnt listen

i tried everything i could think of
i threatened to rape her
i tried to convince her with words
i held her down
i slapped her
but nothing worked

i feel like shit but i can say i tried to stop her
maybe slapping her in the face wasnt a good choice
but i didnt know what to do so i panicked
i know hitting her was a dumb thing to do
but it was the only thing i could think of
sam im sorry and i hope you make it back alive
because if you dont i can never apologise
i quit my job
i get into fights too much
im not worthy of the cwu armband

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

that ~~stupid~~ officer with the ugly face wont stop annoying me
i tried to tell him that i dont like him
i tried to run away from him
but he just wont ~~fucking~~ leave me alone
why are people so stupid
now i know why that redhaired bitch is a bitch
if i wanted to talk
i would talk
but now that i took his stunstick and threw it away
he said i was going to be charged with attempted policide
i dont event know what that is but it doesnt sound good
i wonder if ill be able to see ross or sam from here on out
im starting to hate it in city 45
i wish i was back in city 18 with my uncle

Subject: Re: A collection of paper scraps Fri Dec 05, 2014 3:55 pm

<::Photocopies of these papers have been archived into the SeC's personal files and may be distribute the above information to any unit he sees fit::>
[OOC] Took pictures of everything above and saved it

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

(This entry seems to have worse handwriting than the others)

well today was really eventful
but it was for the better

fredrick someone who i had talked
ended up being that stupid officer
and wanted me to strip infront of him
he attacked me when i tried to leave
so i couldnt think of anything
i punched his face
~~that was a painful mistake~~
~~i think i broke a knuckle or something~~
and so i stabbed him with my pencil
and i didnt know what to do
but i took his shockstick from him
and beat him to the ground with it
and then told him to strip instead
and put on his uniform

pretending to be a mpf officer was fun
i sat next to someone and talked
but they didnt say anything so i left
i guess people dont like talking to officers
well as much as i like to anyway
and when i walked up to a group of people
i asked them to isolate like other officers did to me
and i got attitude from alex
and when fredrick approached
i panicked and said he was malignant
~~i dont even know what that means~~
i got into a fight because of it
but i managed to escape luckily

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

but when i ran back to the nexus i got found out
because fredrick told one of the officers what happened
and i got put in detainment
i was really scared it felt like i was there forever

i told ross all about it
and that i like-like him =)
i felt really happy
and i put my head on his shoulder
it was really nice
for once it seems im genuinely happy
so this is what its like
to have a special someone in your life
ill put off joining the mpf now
i dont want this feeling to end

(The rest of the entry is torn off)

also travis that neon-nazi ~~fuck~~ ~~cunt~~ person
got beaten up by an officer
i may have watched more than i should
it felt good watching him get his ass beat
and since then hes been speaking like a retard
i definitely think its funnier than it is
especially after i told him to watch his back
thats what he gets for calling me a cunt

Legend Posts : 142 Join date : 2014-11-23

(This entry seems to have worse handwriting than the others)

been a while since i last wrote anything
i was having trouble getting paper
but a lot has happened
where to begin

i had been working a lot recently
and earned something like 36 loyalty points
which was quite good
because it meant i could see the administrator

sam eva and i went into the slums
and hunted down a rapist
i threw my flashlight like 50 meters
and i hit her haha =)
i couldnt believe my luck

but that was before i found a knife
and wayne was saying stuff
and pissed me off
so i stabbed him
and if it wasnt for sam pushing me off
i think i would have killed him
being pushed away by sam was good
because it gave me time to realise what i did
i know i crossed a line i shouldnt have
wayne was carried away
i stayed behind paralyzed
but i knew what was going to happen
and i walked to the nexus
with the knife i stabbed him with
i felt really bad about it
~~unless your a hungarian bitch~~
i dont think i cried so much in my life

~~speaking of redheads~~
there was one outside of the ration place
and she wasnt eating her rations
so i tried to help but i got annoyed with her
and threw my rations at her instead

(On the back of the paper there is more writing)

when i came out of detainment for stabbing wayne
i just thought i was going to be killed
so i began to push ross away
i didnt want him getting hurt
and i kept hitting him to get him to leave me alone
but he wouldnt leave
and then ran off to talk to wayne
turns out wayne is fine with me
so long as i dont piss him or his friends off

so ive been making amends
and started talking to travis
he seems to be quite nice
because the last time i saw him
he called me a cunt
and was beaten by an officer
i feel bad for laughing about it now

ill need to make peace with alex
but i dont think ive done anything too bad
except attack his door
and mention that stuff about replacing his kid
~~actually that was pretty bad~~
i should apologise to him when i get the chance

and i guess later
id have to apologise to sam
and then wayne
what i did was fucking stupid
i wiah i wasnt so angry

fuck im stupid

Newbie Posts : 7 Join date : 2014-12-03

** The drawing below appears to be an unfinished skeleton for drawing a human individual, but below lies a note, crumpled with it in a different handwriting **

A collection of paper scraps Images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSEJpKC_YM44duwUKryy4vz5KPUcZfcIYGHxafMU-nsFO4wA9zgldpspWM

A collection of paper scraps Images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSEJpKC_YM44duwUKryy4vz5KPUcZfcIYGHxafMU-nsFO4wA9zgldpspWM

The note reads:

"I have completely forgotten that I still carry this drawing, though it may be unfinished. It's the work of Kim. I saw what happened to them on the big screen in the plaza. Though I vilified and scorned Kim around the time, I couldn't help but to feel broken deep down inside of me. Before Kim's execution, Ross informed me that Kim is looking into forgiveness and is sorry for what he's done. I was fine, however I wanted nothing to do with him at all regardless of what he says. He is indeed a toxic individual, but also... broken. Even the day before, when I stepped out of the nexus and in the ration line, I saw hints of remorse in his face, which has troubled me for a while. Now that I have witnessed his death, sometimes I just wish I didn't hold a grudge for long. As of Gautama Buddha said "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." My message to Kim is this: I'm sorry for everything. I hoped to be a better person than you'd think I was. I will send my condolences to your partner, Ross.

♫ Shine on you crazy diamond ♫

-Wayne

P.S. I'm bearing this drawing from this day to the grave."